Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
