I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
we made out on top of his cat.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
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