So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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