my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
