I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
