I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Randomize
