He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
