i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
