guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
