Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
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