it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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