jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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