You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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