I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Randomize
