it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
