Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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