Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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