In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
