three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Randomize
