Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
