This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
