Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
so that wasnt chicken after all
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
