So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize