Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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