Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
