I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Randomize
