not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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