Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize