dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
