She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
