Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Randomize
