Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
