Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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