Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
