There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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