I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Randomize
