I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
