can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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