Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Randomize