I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
