Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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