I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
