Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
