i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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