Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
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