Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Randomize
