I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
