Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize
