I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Randomize
