Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
