apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Randomize
