He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
