well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
How does one acquire holy water?
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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