I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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