I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Where are you guys?
Drunk
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
