You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
