I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
