overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
