It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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