Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
