found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Randomize
