How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
