Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize
