Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
