Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
