I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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