I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
