I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
