I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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