I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
