she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
