i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
