You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
